Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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