he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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