not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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