Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
