Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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