i'm lost and i look like a hooker
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
