So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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