You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
