they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
