Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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