we have officially lost it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
