Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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