Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
