i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
