Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
