im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dicks are not precious.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
