I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
