I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
