in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
