i think my tv is drunk
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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