she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
