In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
