listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
