Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
