I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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