margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
