The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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