So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
