I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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