I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize