Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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