Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We left an ass print on the piano.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
