At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
