She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize