My room smells like vodka and shame
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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