I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
