I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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