eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize