I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
