I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
