i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
