I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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