I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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