the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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