woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Welp...herpes.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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