He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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