I will die if light touches me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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