I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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