Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
