Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
