I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
