I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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