When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
