I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
