did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
