My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize