So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
