Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I will be naked everywhere
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
