I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
