I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
