Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
