i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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