just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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