Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
