I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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