I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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