Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
