Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
